This is what I imagined motherhood would be like

Yesterday was a good day. I went to a mother-and-me group and Anya didn’t cry in the car on the way in or the way back! Normally, she wails from the moment I buckle her up to the moment I hold her again, when we arrive, but yesterday, she suckled on her toy and contentedly fell asleep. Hoorah. I found myself musing about what a different parenting experience I would have had, overall, if I had a baby with a different temperament. I love Anya with all my heart and fully believe she is the right baby for us (there were no stork mishaps), but I can only wonder at the ease and relaxation of having a baby that falls asleep effortlessly and sleeps through the night, that feeds for short periods at three or four hour intervals and is mellow and quiet for the times in between. My whole existence and above all my inner-world would be so different if that were the kind of child we had been given.

Instead I have a delightfully spirited, high-energy, personality-filled little Angel. Hey, I have no regrets, as I say…

But today, I just lay with Anya, staring at her as she played blissfully with her toes and then I easily nursed her to sleep for a nap and I thought, yes, this is what I imagined motherhood would be like. It has taken me nearly four and a half months to get here and I don’t know if it will last or pass, but I am enjoying my two super-easy days.

Maybe it is my elimination diet that is helping her. Perhaps something I was eating was irritating her and causing physical or even emotional upset. It could be that she is simply growing out of the ‘difficult, needy stage’ and certainly she has been a lot easier-going since she was about three months old. Up until three months she needed to be held pretty much constantly or would cry-out at an ever-increasing volume until she was (hey, the lady knows what she wants!).

Maybe all the flower essences I have been rubbing into her skin are having effect. One of them, Flannel Flower, helps, among other things with babies who need to be held all the time to feel safe.
Or Maybe it is a co-incidence… but overall the trend is that (knock on wood) she is having longer times of comfort and relaxation, and fewer and shorter periods of fussyness. Bless her little heart.

Yes this is what it is like being a mother – not only the dreamy-happy-easy times, but also the challenges and learning trials. I am up for all of it.

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