Some years ago I realised something surprising.
I am very blessed and have great parents that have surrounded me with love and given me some incredible teachings. And still, like with anybody, our relationship is not ‘perfect’. Then one day I had an ‘a-ha! moment’ and realised that some of my parents greatest gifts to me were their weaknesses.
Let me explain. Okay, so I can say I have got from my parents an introduction to Eastern mystical spirituality, a love for whole-foods and an understanding of their importance in creating and maintaining good health, a thirst for learning, a love for travelling, and so much more… and then there were things they couldn’t teach me, like how to be tidy, how to dress perfectly for a cocktail party or how to make small talk with people you have just met. They couldn’t teach me these things because they were not in their repertoire – or at least these are not things that were important to them.
So I had to learn them for myself. And there is the gift. In a way those areas, the things I have had to go out and learn for myself are the ones I am most proud of – I didn’t just inherit them or learn them by osmosis by hanging around them. I had to work for them (and keep working and learning them afresh). This was a gift by omission. And so it is that I find it is all gifts: the good stuff are gifts and the ‘bad’ stuff are just a different kind of gift.
I’d do well to remember that with my own child(ren). As my uncle says, jokingly, I am going to f*ck ’em up. All kids say their parents f*cked ’em up. It is just a question of how.So, we might as well let go and trust God/the Universe to sort it all out (hmm, my uncle doesn’t say that part, I just ad-libbed it).
In fact, I believe babies chose the parents they are to be born to with some knowledge of the kind of conditions and experiences they are coming into. Sometimes they come to learn, sometimes they come to teach, sometimes they come just to observe but either way the parents they are given are the perfect parents for them to experience what they are here, on this planet, to experience. So it is not my job to be perfect. I can do what I can do and the rest is, well, out of my hands and I trust that God, my kid(s) and providence are in charge of the rest.