Today, I had a flash of the blindingly obvious: I realise that when I am in a fight I have two choices, to be right or to understand where the other person is coming from, what is important to them and how they feel. I have been together with K, my life partner and now husband, for the last nine years and by and large we get on really well… yet sometimes we don’t see things eye-to-eye. Somehow, though, since having a baby, I have even less inclination to waste myself in arguments. I find I can put so much time and mental energy into winning an argument, into thinking up all the reasons why I am right and my husband (yep, that is where most of the arguing energy goes, alas) is wrong; in protecting my ego, my pride, my image of myself… why? In the end, sooner or later (assuming we don’t break up, which we certainly haven’t so far) we will make up and then we’ll genuinely say sorry for all the things we know we did wrong and we’ll want to get closer and understand the other person’s point of view, to feel them, to see them. So why wait to the end of the fall-out? Why spend that time in conflict when you could skip to the good bit: growing and learning about the other?
I don’t know why we do it – habit, perhaps; conditioning, no doubt…? The question is whether, when seen through, like this in a moment of clarity, we can rise above it. Are you ready to let go? I am.